| hi |
[Aug. 29th, 2009|09:23 pm] |
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As i sit here alone on a Saturday night i realize its my fault. I've pushed everyone away. |
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| If only I could say how much you mean to me. |
[Jul. 29th, 2009|06:48 pm] |
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How is everyone. I am now a quarter of a century in age. My palm flower has turned black long ago and I'm feelin it. It seems like I have experienced everything that I am capable of in this life. What is there left when your memories are all old and new ones never seem to happen? Why even stay when it is all a rerun? I do not know, But I will try and find out. |
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| real? |
[Jul. 5th, 2009|11:12 pm] |
What is it like to feel real? I'm serious. Who is the real me? Sometimes I do not know. Fuck sentence structure, correct punctuation, and grammar. I get deeper and deeper into my own little world and forget there is more out there than what is inside my own mind. I am not me, I am a carefully crafted front of insanity and boisterous doubt. I prefer it this way as the inside is a big ball of frustrations and broken promises and dreams.
Sometimes though I would like to escape this and be myself, who would want that tho? |
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| I cried today |
[Jun. 19th, 2009|10:48 pm] |
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I just found out a friend of mine passed last night. It's funny you think you have all this time to get to know someone and make memories so you push it off and all of a sudden they're gone. I will miss you and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you more than I was. |
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| life |
[Jun. 7th, 2009|08:03 pm] |
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i miss those days on the porch. nothing but time. |
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| yep |
[Apr. 27th, 2009|10:42 pm] |
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I wish I could stop thinking about you. It will never happen never work. i know this, but the thought is still there. Oh well. |
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| i think i understand |
[Mar. 23rd, 2009|10:53 pm] |
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i think i know whats wrong with me and there is pretty much no cure. yay |
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| 3 words |
[Mar. 2nd, 2009|10:35 pm] |
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fuck the neocons |
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| hmm |
[Jan. 24th, 2009|10:44 pm] |
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what is up people. im still alive and thriving somehow. one day itll catch up eh but not today. |
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| hey |
[Dec. 6th, 2008|07:41 pm] |
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i want to fix michigan. or at least try to make it a little better. who is with me? i need ideas tho im not an idea guy just point me in a direction and ill fix it |
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| fuck |
[Dec. 6th, 2008|02:38 am] |
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i hate insomnia. i dont know if its my thoughts that bring it on or if its not sleeping that brings on these thoughts of inadequacy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 20th, 2008|10:26 pm] |
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Your screening results indicate a high likelihood that you are suffering from severe depression. |
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| yes |
[Nov. 1st, 2008|11:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
im just not good enough |
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| im alive(for now) |
[Sep. 29th, 2008|08:36 pm] |
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well i just cleaned my apartment. like a real hardcore cleaning. its actually depressing. looking at how little i have. i rearranged my furniture. took 30 seconds as they are office side chairs. I have nothing of substance. im so lonely it's ridiculous. this will never end well. I guess im goona be trying to buy a house. i really hope that works out for me. the way my life works out tho ill be there alone also with no furniture no anything. nothing that would let you believe its a home. god im tired of everything in this life. when you're young everything shows nothing but potential as i age i see less and less potential. nothing is fun anymore. im tired of growing up. im tired of real responsibilities. i just wanna walk around at 2 in the morning and fuck around. |
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| wants |
[Jan. 10th, 2007|04:00 pm] |
i just want to live and be free.
i just want to love unconditionally.
but its just more of the same
and i just push you away
no one has insight
so nobody cares
i have my 10 feet of space and no one is allowed in.
and i dont want it anymore
i dont want to hurt myself anymore.
i dont want to be depressed anymore
i want my childhood back for a do over
i want you to love me the way i love you
i want to be able to tell people things with out having to worry about what they might think
i dont want this knot in my stomache anymore
i dont want this pain on my heart anymore
i want to have real emotions besides sadness
i dont want to hurt anymore
i want to feel the embrace of someone i care for and to be told im going to be fine.
i want to be able to look people in the eyes
i want to be confident
i want to be sure of myself
i want to make life changing decisions on a whim and have no regrets.
i want to be handsome
at least less ogreish
i want to be surrounded by people i know and love
i want to be happy or at least complacent
i want life instead of stagnancy
i want love instead of nothing
yes i know this was all about me and what i want. im sorry if it sounds like im needy but i think i deserve it maybe a little |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 4th, 2007|05:15 am] |
just woke up. its 4am.. and i just had the same dream again. its strange. it starts out im at MJC in a basement talking to a spider. for some reason this spider is my friend. and i dont really remember much about it but the fact that it move a web out of my way whiil it was building its own. his web was disgusting looking too. like slimy. that is the last time i see it tho on the stairs with the web. while going up the stairs i find mountain dew. then suddenly im at the gathering of the juggalos. alone, no one came with me.and no one is in the campground. all the sites are set up but no one is there. at my site for some reason my van is red and has a trunk. i keep making drinks and walking around with pop cans in my backpack. i think that part is from me and jesse with our beer. but not a soul is there with me not even the artists. it goes on like this for a long while im just completely alone. and i seemed to be completely accepting of this fact in the dream.
someone tell me what this means.
in other news im really worried about cassie. she is stranded in NC and hasnt called anyone since yesterday morning.
alright peace
cameron |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2006|11:01 pm] |
ok i lied i do want 1 thing for christmas
the coolest knife set ever |
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