who's house

hi

2009-08-30T01:24:57Z

As i sit here alone on a Saturday night i realize its my fault. I've pushed everyone away.

If only I could say how much you mean to me.

2009-07-29T22:54:03Z

How is everyone. I am now a quarter of a century in age. My palm flower has turned black long ago and I'm feelin it. It seems like I have experienced everything that I am capable of in this life. What is there left when your memories are all old and new ones never seem to happen? Why even stay when it is all a rerun? I do not know, But I will try and find out.

beefcurtain @ 2009-07-14T16:53:00

2009-07-14T20:54:38Z

all is well

real?

2009-07-06T03:28:30Z

What is it like to feel real? I'm serious. Who is the real me? Sometimes I do not know. Fuck sentence structure, correct punctuation, and grammar. I get deeper and deeper into my own little world and forget there is more out there than what is inside my own mind. I am not me, I am a carefully crafted front of insanity and boisterous doubt. I prefer it this way as the inside is a big ball of frustrations and broken promises and dreams.

Sometimes though I would like to escape this and be myself, who would want that tho?

I cried today

2009-06-20T02:52:54Z

I just found out a friend of mine passed last night. It's funny you think you have all this time to get to know someone and make memories so you push it off and all of a sudden they're gone. I will miss you and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you more than I was.

life

2009-06-08T00:05:25Z

i miss those days on the porch. nothing but time.

yep

2009-04-28T02:45:21Z

I wish I could stop thinking about you. It will never happen never work. i know this, but the thought is still there. Oh well.

i think i understand

2009-03-24T02:54:35Z

i think i know whats wrong with me and there is pretty much no cure. yay

beefcurtain @ 2009-03-10T23:00:00

2009-03-11T03:01:52Z

alone

3 words

2009-03-03T03:35:28Z

fuck the neocons

hmm

2009-01-25T03:45:49Z

what is up people. im still alive and thriving somehow. one day itll catch up eh but not today.

hey

2008-12-07T00:43:26Z

i want to fix michigan. or at least try to make it a little better. who is with me? i need ideas tho im not an idea guy just point me in a direction and ill fix it

fuck

2008-12-06T07:41:14Z

i hate insomnia. i dont know if its my thoughts that bring it on or if its not sleeping that brings on these thoughts of inadequacy.

my lifes a mess

2008-12-03T01:44:24Z

where is everyone?

beefcurtain @ 2008-11-20T22:26:00

2008-11-21T03:27:04Z

Your screening results indicate a high likelihood that you are suffering from severe depression.

yes

2008-11-01T15:27:15Z

im just not good enough

im alive(for now)

2008-09-30T00:44:32Z

well i just cleaned my apartment. like a real hardcore cleaning. its actually depressing. looking at how little i have. i rearranged my furniture. took 30 seconds as they are office side chairs. I have nothing of substance. im so lonely it's ridiculous. this will never end well. I guess im goona be trying to buy a house. i really hope that works out for me. the way my life works out tho ill be there alone also with no furniture no anything. nothing that would let you believe its a home. god im tired of everything in this life. when you're young everything shows nothing but potential as i age i see less and less potential. nothing is fun anymore. im tired of growing up. im tired of real responsibilities. i just wanna walk around at 2 in the morning and fuck around.

wants

2007-01-10T21:01:55Z

i just want to live and be free.
i just want to love unconditionally.
but its just more of the same
and i just push you away
no one has insight
so nobody cares
i have my 10 feet of space and no one is allowed in.
and i dont want it anymore
i dont want to hurt myself anymore.
i dont want to be depressed anymore
i want my childhood back for a do over
i want you to love me the way i love you
i want to be able to tell people things with out having to worry about what they might think
i dont want this knot in my stomache anymore
i dont want this pain on my heart anymore
i want to have real emotions besides sadness
i dont want to hurt anymore
i want to feel the embrace of someone i care for and to be told im going to be fine.
i want to be able to look people in the eyes
i want to be confident
i want to be sure of myself
i want to make life changing decisions on a whim and have no regrets.
i want to be handsome
at least less ogreish
i want to be surrounded by people i know and love
i want to be happy or at least complacent
i want life instead of stagnancy
i want love instead of nothing

yes i know this was all about me and what i want. im sorry if it sounds like im needy but i think i deserve it maybe a little

beefcurtain @ 2007-01-04T05:15:00

2007-01-04T09:15:09Z

just woke up. its 4am.. and i just had the same dream again. its strange. it starts out im at MJC in a basement talking to a spider. for some reason this spider is my friend. and i dont really remember much about it but the fact that it move a web out of my way whiil it was building its own. his web was disgusting looking too. like slimy. that is the last time i see it tho on the stairs with the web. while going up the stairs i find mountain dew. then suddenly im at the gathering of the juggalos. alone, no one came with me.and no one is in the campground. all the sites are set up but no one is there. at my site for some reason my van is red and has a trunk. i keep making drinks and walking around with pop cans in my backpack. i think that part is from me and jesse with our beer. but not a soul is there with me not even the artists. it goes on like this for a long while im just completely alone. and i seemed to be completely accepting of this fact in the dream.

someone tell me what this means.

in other news im really worried about cassie. she is stranded in NC and hasnt called anyone since yesterday morning.

alright peace
cameron

beefcurtain @ 2006-12-21T23:01:00

2006-12-22T03:01:23Z

ok i lied i do want 1 thing for christmas

the coolest knife set ever

our first show

2006-12-19T18:50:33Z

alright fuckos ive waited long enough.

i think we did a pretty good job on our first show. i messed up my verse on rize but whatever its all good. um yeah our songs kick ass. alright thats all i got for that.

that night was crazy tho after the show i went home to drop people off and went out to cassies for a party. turns out it didnt happen and we watched tv. everyone fell asleep so i left seeing as i was not tired. i checked my phone and brandy had called me thrice called her back and she was indisposed and would call me back. in the intervening minutes i got pulled over. turns out my liscence (sp) plate light is out. whatever.and he lets me off so that was good.
anyways she calls me back and sounded like she was almost in tears because she missed the show. i wasnt really worried about it and told her so. then she said i should meet her friend. so i went to the house she was at. she passed out and me and stacy talked all night until she fell asleep. then i went to kroger and by chance saw andrea who had left her phone in my car. so that was lucky. came home and passed the fuck out. i was up for way too long at that point. but yeah that was my night

christmas

2006-12-18T17:10:56Z

taking a cue fron ehryn im going to also post a christmas list of everything i want alright here it goes.

nothing

yep thats what i want for christmas.

i was wrong

2006-12-16T01:23:35Z

it ended up being more. it was 400 bucks to fix

thank god

2006-12-14T18:41:46Z

well its only goona be 86 dollars to fix my van. i was goona do it myself but that serpentine belt goes a long way and its cramped as shit in there o i think ill have them do it. i actually found a place that wont screw me for once. this is probably the cheapest thing ive ever done for a car besides oil changes.

mother fucker

2006-12-14T04:43:18Z

my van just broke. do you know how hard it is to limp a car home when it has no power steerin no power brakes and the cooling fan is off. omfg., well just another thing i gotta fix i guess.

when it rains it pours.